A Better Woman = A Better Mother

"Terrible twos" should also be recognized as "impressionable twos"… it’s at that age most kids are mimicking everything you say and do…

I often look out the corner of my eye and see my mini me closely watching what I'm doing.

Tying my shoes? She’s studying.

Having a concert in the mirror? She’s got a brush in her hand, too.

Even when I let my anger get the best of me, she’s watching.

These are the most precious years of her life. It’s how she learns her place in the world and how she should interact with that world.

Though she may not fully understand it all nor will she remember much from being 2, the type of mother she has will shape her.

And because of that I will be the type of woman I want my daughter to model herself after.

I promise.

Black Woman, You Can Cry...

When we think of black women, one word often comes to mind. Strong.

From day one, we’re taught to be proud. We’re taught to be determined. We’re taught to be strong.

But no one taught us how to cry and laughing was also skipped over.

My grandmother used to have a saying when we were too loud or being too silly.

“Girls are to be seen, not heard.”

(Then she changed the “girls” to “kids” so this may really been her way to get kids to shut the hell up.)

But growing up how many of us have been scorned for acting too silly? What goes for black kids definitely did not go for white kids. They could play in the stores. It was deemed “cute.” Black kids playing in the store are terrors.

Historically, black women couldn’t cry nor laugh. Our families were being ripped from us and we had to be strong—strong for the family we still had left.

And now that hardness is still prevalent in black women of today.

We don’t believe love is for us. We don’t need a man because majority of the men we’ve dealt with have done us wrong.

Plus thugs don’t cry. Right?

Bullshit.

Every girl has cried over her first crush. You know the story. You like the cutest boy in the class but for some reason he never notices you or if he did it wasn’t the happily ever after fairytale you thought it would be.

Nonetheless, most black women seem to forget those tears in their adult years.

Look at the Facebook statuses…

“Fuck niggas. I’m getting money.”

“Never do I need a man for anything. I’m solo for life.”

“All I need in this world is me and my kids.”

This should be a serious wake-up call for not only black men but black women, too. There’s a culture of disdain among black women of today. Hate. Non-love.

This isn’t about the stereotypical “mad, neck-rolling black woman.” We’ve already attacked and destroyed that image.

This is the “I’m too hard to cry—too hard to love black woman.”

Black women, if you’re in love, it’s OK. Why is love not for us? Why is every other woman in the world worthy of love but we’re not?

Because of the undying strength and dedication we show, we deserve love and should crave it.

How sad is it to know there really are people in the world who do not know what it feels like to be loved.

Don’t let a false image get in the way of happiness.

You’re a woman. You like flowers. You like nice things. You like to be held. You like soft kisses on your forehead.

It’s OK.

You want to be loved.

Love really does conquer all.

What I Really Think of Kim & Kanye

It’s the classic tell-tale sign that white is still seen as right in the black community’s eyes. We hate to admit it but we do have a complexion bias.

Long hair is better. Lighter skin is better.

Which is why a woman who seems to have NO morals is sought after like the freshest pick from a fall harvest.

Kim Kardashian was only made famous when something that’s private and intimate for most people without three Xs as a last name was made public. The infamous sex tape with Ray J.

As a Kanye West fan I’m disappointed. When he hit the music scene he had a gorgeous black girl but somewhere along the journey she was dropped.

Then he made a no name stripper into a celebrity. Would Amber Rose have been chosen if she had a darker tint?

Now Kim Kardashian is Kanye West’s newest girl. But there’s nothing new about her.

We’ve seen Kimmy’s cakes and all her goods. Most men not looking for a serious relationship would drop a woman once he gets those goods.

Thanks to Ray J, pretty much every man in America has at least somewhat an idea of what Kim is like in the bedroom.

But yet she’s still a hot commodity.

Are we going to ignore the fact that she is essentially the whore of the entertainment industry?

Nevermind the sex tape.

Nevermind the multiple failed relationships.

Nevermind the two failed marriages—one that didn’t even last a full year.

While she’s not a white woman, she’s not black and it’s unnerving that our black men are gawking over this woman.

Don’t take it as hate. She’s a beautiful woman that in my opinion has made bad choices-- all which were done under the public’s watchful eye.

But this is more about black men.

Why is she more worthy of your love than a black woman?

Why is she more likely to turn your head than a black woman?

There are black women who are built just the same if not better, but those women are treated as nothing more than sexual objects.

Kim Kardashian is a renowned goddess.

A black woman with the same track record as Kimmy wouldn’t get the time of day when it comes to being respected. Hell, a woman can be with one man and automatically considered a hoe.

It’s hard to say what has our men so blind to the beautiful, unique, curvaceous women already in their backyards.

Why is it they will break their necks for a non-black woman but won’t even lift a finger for the women that look like their mothers, grandmothers and aunts?

Maybe the men can enlighten me.

Any takers?

Top 3 Resolutions for Men in 2012

3. Listen & you'll learn something -- It's something you learn in school and it's a good reason why. People who pay attention and listen know a lot more than those who go through life unaware. So when your girl tells you something, listen up! She's gonna expect for you to remember what she just told you-- even if it was some random appointment date that's three months away. When that day comes, you better not ask what plans she has for the day or you will get an evil side eye.

2. Put down the Jeezy & pick up some Jill Scott—The best way to relate to a woman is to listen to a woman. Sure, rap music is cool from time to time, but not too many women can relate to “pushing snow” but can relate to wanting to take a long walk for a little conversation. Get in touch with your feminine side. Everything doesn’t have to always be about weed, money and bitches—especially if you’re tryna get close to a woman. Let’s face it, you are what you listen to.

1. Bring back chivalry for 2012 -- So they say the world is gonna end in 2012. If so, there’s nothing we can do to stop it. But there is something you can do to make it a memorable year. BRING BACK CHIVALRY. Open a door for a woman. Help a woman out of her car. Hell, help an old lady across the street with her groceries. Back in the medieval days, knights were renowned for being such noble gentlemen, now today it’s like the number one requirement to being a cool guy is disrespecting women. What may seem like an old-fashioned way of life, definitely needs a revival in 2012.

Dear Mr. President

Something has been pushing me for awhile to do this, but at first I ignored that inner voice speaking to me. According to the White House's website, tens of thousands of letters are sent to the White House everyday in addition to thousands more emails sent. Each day President Barack Obama reads 10 letters.

So I often asked myself. How would my letter make the cut? What's the point of writing it, if he won't read it?

I decided to write it anyways and post it here. I still plan to mail my letter the old-fashioned way but maybe some cyber eyes will get it to him even faster. I can only hope.

Dear Mr. President:

I hope that this letter finds you well and in good spirits. I am writing to you in response to your American Jobs Act. I want to first congratulate you on the job you’ve been doing for the country and unlike what pundits say, there are still many that still support you. I am one of those people.

While reading through your Jobs Act, there were a number of initiatives I was pleased to see, especially how the measure would affect the black community. I agree with the need for low-income schools to be modernized and updated with newer technology to allow our children to be on the same level as others. The Bridge to Work programs also sound like good ideas.

But there was one thing noticeably missing from your job plans. And it is a problem I feel is plaguing the black community—that is to blame for the disappointingly large unemployment numbers. It’s criminal records.

There’s no secret that the majority of prisoners are black men and whether it be for petty crimes or more serious offenses once these people are released from jail, finding a job is nearly impossible. I have seen this first hand. There are a number of black men that have made mistakes years ago, as young adults but are still unable to find jobs because of their records.

We claim people deserve second chances but employers are not giving them.If you were to glance at today’s job listings, many of them clearly state NO FELONIES.

This is often a huge deterrent to someone actively seeking employment but knowing that nearly every employer will not give them that second chance they so desperately need.

In the end it results in a person, giving up on a search for honest work and turning back to illegal activities and thus the cycle begins. The Jobs Act is missing something that could address this. Construction jobs are great, but they’re not the jobs many in the black community could even qualify for.

Only Nice Cars Get Respect on the Road

I have to say I don't consider myself materialistic. I gave up on trying to be decked out in name brand clothing years ago. If I see a nice shirt for a decent price at Wal-mart, I'mma buy it, just as quick as I'd buy a name brand shirt for a decent price.


(Sidenote: this makes me think of how dumb I had to have been to stand out in the cold in line for hours, just to buy some Jordans.)

Anyways, one thing I have noticed that is quite essential to life is a nice car. But no, I'm not contradicting myself. You see, I've had the pleasure (or displeasure) of driving some of the most fucked up, raggedy-est vehicles. When you have an ex-mechanic as a Daddy, he will find u anything with four wheels as long as he can get it running.

I've also had the pleasure of driving nice cars and I've noticed one thing:

People respond to you on the road based on what you drive.

My Daddy once had me and my sister driving a 1979 Toyota something; I don't remember what color it was because it was so rusted out. Gray maybe? I do remember how loud it was, and it was too old to have been manufactured during the days of power steering.

Parallel parking, what me and my sister affectionately nicknamed "The Putt," was like a damn part time job. When people would hear you coming in that, they'd look and laugh. But it aint make me no difference, I wasn't on the damn bus.

People on the road would also stare as if your car had no damn right to be on the road. I will never forget the stares of people that would pull up alongside me as if I was riding in a tin can on wheels. Though you probably could argue that's what "The Putt" really was.

When I had a '91 Toyota Camry, the disgusted looks stopped. But I still didn't get much respect. I was in a so-so car and the respect I got was so-so. People knew you were on the road, but didn't mind if they cut you off from time to time. Besides, who am I to complain in my '91 slow ass vehicle in the new millennium?

Then came Essie, a '95 green Ford Escort. Now, there was one difference between Essie and all the other cars, she was a stick shift. So I could rev her up, and peel out, and yes I would do this whenever people would give me that so-so look. Sure I upgraded 4 years, but I was still in a so-so vehicle. Plus, it was a hatchback, so that meant I lost some more points.

I just could not gain the respect of my fellow drivers. That is until my love, Vida came into my life. A 2001 all black Volkswagen; that was also a stick shift. Now, I could rev up Vida and she'd take off in a matter of minutes, leaving many of those on the road seeing only a black dot of cool.

I was cool in Vida. I was respected in Vida. No one could fuck with Vida.
And then just that quick, the legacy that had started out as Vida had been tarnished. A simple mishap caused the hood on Vida to fly up one day while driving and get crushed like a piece of black construction paper.

The hood now had to be tied down with rope, just to make it from point A to B. There would be no more peeling out in a matter of seconds.

Vida wasn't the same. Nor was she respected the same. Passer-bys would look at the black car with the crumbled hood; passing judgement on me, the driver. I obviously had to have been in some sort of accident that was clearly my fault. Any front end damage on car is the driver's fault.

So now other drivers pass me up, and whip by me as if I'm a mistake on the road.
No longer that black dot of cool, but a mistake with a crunched hood.

Every Man Needs an Heir. Or Heiress?

Just like I suspected it’s a GIRL.
I guess you can say my motherly instincts have already started kicking in. (just joking)
Nontheless there it was clear as day on the ultrasound screen that my boyfriend would not be getting the little male cub he had envisioned he’d have. He’d instead have to settle for Nala. And then I sadly thought of how there would be no football games or catch outside or wrestling in the living room. Daddy would have to opt for princess pageants, tea parties and ballet class.
That made me worry.
Doesn’t every man want a little man of their own? Since the beginning of time, a male heir has been important. History shows that. King Henry VIII of England had his wife Anne Boleyn executed after she failed to give him a male heir to take over the thrown. There’s always an abundance of chinese girls availalbe for adoption since the country have a one child per family policy, and boys of course are desired more. Now there’s also the option of babies by design, and I’m quite sure boys are number one on the couple’s list. But I could be wrong.
It still made me think and after thinking about it, it all came back to “everything happens for a reason,” which I do strongly believe in.
Taking proper care of one woman is hard enough. We see that on the regular. Men not being faithful to the women in their lives, trying to take on more women, when all along he can’t maintain the one he has. There’s also the man that has one woman but doesn’t respect her or love her. So if one woman is difficult, two women must be a monstrosity of a task. And yet God has entrusted him to take on this task. God has trusted him to not only take proper care of me, but more importantly take proper care of his daughter, who will need him more than I ever will.
So maybe an heir isn’t all that important. Besides he’s been blessed with an heiress to raise.