Steubenville Rape Case: An Opportunity To Teach Your Kids

(Trent Mays and Ma'Lik Richmond

photo courtesy: ABC news)

Times have changed.

It seems kids today are growing up a lot faster than in previous years. Kids barely capable of tying their shoes now have cell phones and iPads.

These devices are putting so much of the world at their fingertips.

But their young brains aren’t fully prepared to process it.

I think this was the case of the kids involved in the Steubenville rape case.

These were all teenagers trying to be adults. 

Though the kids involved probably just passed their drivers’ tests, you can argue they’ve probably been seeing adult-like content for awhile.

I’m sure they’ve all seen some type of porn by now. Back in the day, porn sites required a subscription, but now free porn sites come a dime a dozen.

House parties have been the setting for multiple movies showing all the fun that can be had at a rowdy, music bumping, drink-filled party. They often fail to show the real life consequences that can happen after a night of irresponsible drinking.

This entire party was a disaster waiting to happen.

Kids + alcohol – adults = Big Ass Disaster.

That girl should not have been drinking. None of them should have.

But being drunk does not mean she deserved to be raped.

And now all the kids involved will have to live with the consequences well into their adult lives. Those boys will now be labeled rapists and will have to register as sex offenders. 

That night will haunt the victim arguably for the rest of her life.

But questions still remain in the case.

And the biggest is: Where were the parents of every single one of these kids?

I was a teen once. We know teens are sneaky but how can your child be out into the wee hours of the morning and you’re not concerned?

Better yet, how is it they have the balls to do it?

Parents have to start being parents again. 

I would’ve never had the audacity to disrespect my mother and be out all night like I was grown. The minute I pulled some shit like that I would’ve been looking for a new place to stay.

Get real with your kids about the world and what’s going on in it. Use this case as an opportunity to teach your sons and daughters.

Men have lost respect for women while women in turn have lost respect for themselves. A woman’s sole purpose is not as a man’s sexual object.

Young men need to know that and so do young women.

For My Firstborn

I'm sure every parent thinks their kids is super cool, sweet and the cutest thing walking.

But I have the proof to back up my beliefs.   : )

Today marks a miraculous milestone for me; the birth of my baby girl two years ago.

If most people actually sat down and thought about the miracle that is pregnancy, they'd see why children are such gifts.

My daughter is one of the best things that could ever happen to me.

From the first kicks to the first kiss, I loved her. When she was in the womb, genderless and nameless, I knew I loved her and would protect her until the death of me.

I can finally relate to my own mother and the many things I've heard her say. All the things I wasn't allowed to do were forbidden out of pure love for me.

Now I'm the one saying it's bedtime or "no" to candy.

I simply want the best for mine. I was determined not to have a baby at a young age (though some may argue 20s is too young) because I knew I wouldn't be able to meet all her needs.

Armed with a college degree and my first job out of college, I was prepared to give this little girl all the world has to offer.

And now two years later, I still feel the same way. I'm amazed at this love I have. It's a love like no other.

I didn't cry at any of my graduations.

But I did cry when I first held my baby girl in my arms.

After 9 hours of labor and a half hour of pushing, this gift was finally mine.

I vowed to give my baby the best which is why I strive to be the best.

My daughter will reap the benefits of my hard work.

That's my gift to her.

Happy Birthday, baby girl.

What I Got From Django Unchained

Everybody has had something to say about Django Unchained and so I might as well throw my two cents in there.

First off, it was hilarious. The stars of the movie were flawless. 

Critics have been bad-mouthing the film since its release, saying the movie was not realistic and poked fun at slavery.

I failed to miss that part of the movie.

Sure there were some laughs here and there in the movie, but the entire time, my mind was thinking of the horrible institution slavery really was.

Ignore the gun slinging, slick talking free slave Jamie Foxx portrays and look at what he really was underneath—a man whose wife was beat in front of him and stripped from his life.

Is that not realistic?

Did this not happen to countless slave families?

Slave men had to helplessly watch their wives be cruelly mistreated and they could do nothing. They had to standby while their wives were used as sexual objects that belonged to another man—despite the union the two of them truly shared.

Many today argue that the institution of slavery is what caused the basis for the breakdown of the black family.

Black men today still feel like helpless bystanders when it comes to the black women in their lives.  And black women have been trained to take pain and mistreatment and not look to be saved.

Black women endure the pain. There are no knights in shining armor to save them.

That’s what I got from Django Unchained.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s character fully embodied the attitude of slave owners. Blacks were nothing more than animals and they were in fact property.

He took delight in having the slaves fight and kill each other, just to live another day and possibly be killed by a stronger man the very next day. 

You can even argue that what started as forced violence on one another has continued into today’s society as learned and acceptable behavior.

Black men are killing one another at alarming rates and often times the perpetrator soon becomes the victim.

That’s what I got from Django Unchained.

Another thing you cannot ignore is the message of hope the movie gives.

Yeah, hope.

Although slavery has long ended, it still gives you (for lack of a better word) some satisfaction that maybe despite all the brutality, cruelty and pain blacks lived and died with, there was one Django that emerged.

For critics who say there was no gun slinging, slick talking free slave like Django, you can only hope that out of the millions of lives destroyed by slavery at least one slave found his wife and rode off with her to live happily ever after.

A Better Woman = A Better Mother

"Terrible twos" should also be recognized as "impressionable twos"… it’s at that age most kids are mimicking everything you say and do…

I often look out the corner of my eye and see my mini me closely watching what I'm doing.

Tying my shoes? She’s studying.

Having a concert in the mirror? She’s got a brush in her hand, too.

Even when I let my anger get the best of me, she’s watching.

These are the most precious years of her life. It’s how she learns her place in the world and how she should interact with that world.

Though she may not fully understand it all nor will she remember much from being 2, the type of mother she has will shape her.

And because of that I will be the type of woman I want my daughter to model herself after.

I promise.

Black Woman, You Can Cry...

When we think of black women, one word often comes to mind. Strong.

From day one, we’re taught to be proud. We’re taught to be determined. We’re taught to be strong.

But no one taught us how to cry and laughing was also skipped over.

My grandmother used to have a saying when we were too loud or being too silly.

“Girls are to be seen, not heard.”

(Then she changed the “girls” to “kids” so this may really been her way to get kids to shut the hell up.)

But growing up how many of us have been scorned for acting too silly? What goes for black kids definitely did not go for white kids. They could play in the stores. It was deemed “cute.” Black kids playing in the store are terrors.

Historically, black women couldn’t cry nor laugh. Our families were being ripped from us and we had to be strong—strong for the family we still had left.

And now that hardness is still prevalent in black women of today.

We don’t believe love is for us. We don’t need a man because majority of the men we’ve dealt with have done us wrong.

Plus thugs don’t cry. Right?

Bullshit.

Every girl has cried over her first crush. You know the story. You like the cutest boy in the class but for some reason he never notices you or if he did it wasn’t the happily ever after fairytale you thought it would be.

Nonetheless, most black women seem to forget those tears in their adult years.

Look at the Facebook statuses…

“Fuck niggas. I’m getting money.”

“Never do I need a man for anything. I’m solo for life.”

“All I need in this world is me and my kids.”

This should be a serious wake-up call for not only black men but black women, too. There’s a culture of disdain among black women of today. Hate. Non-love.

This isn’t about the stereotypical “mad, neck-rolling black woman.” We’ve already attacked and destroyed that image.

This is the “I’m too hard to cry—too hard to love black woman.”

Black women, if you’re in love, it’s OK. Why is love not for us? Why is every other woman in the world worthy of love but we’re not?

Because of the undying strength and dedication we show, we deserve love and should crave it.

How sad is it to know there really are people in the world who do not know what it feels like to be loved.

Don’t let a false image get in the way of happiness.

You’re a woman. You like flowers. You like nice things. You like to be held. You like soft kisses on your forehead.

It’s OK.

You want to be loved.

Love really does conquer all.

What I Really Think of Kim & Kanye

It’s the classic tell-tale sign that white is still seen as right in the black community’s eyes. We hate to admit it but we do have a complexion bias.

Long hair is better. Lighter skin is better.

Which is why a woman who seems to have NO morals is sought after like the freshest pick from a fall harvest.

Kim Kardashian was only made famous when something that’s private and intimate for most people without three Xs as a last name was made public. The infamous sex tape with Ray J.

As a Kanye West fan I’m disappointed. When he hit the music scene he had a gorgeous black girl but somewhere along the journey she was dropped.

Then he made a no name stripper into a celebrity. Would Amber Rose have been chosen if she had a darker tint?

Now Kim Kardashian is Kanye West’s newest girl. But there’s nothing new about her.

We’ve seen Kimmy’s cakes and all her goods. Most men not looking for a serious relationship would drop a woman once he gets those goods.

Thanks to Ray J, pretty much every man in America has at least somewhat an idea of what Kim is like in the bedroom.

But yet she’s still a hot commodity.

Are we going to ignore the fact that she is essentially the whore of the entertainment industry?

Nevermind the sex tape.

Nevermind the multiple failed relationships.

Nevermind the two failed marriages—one that didn’t even last a full year.

While she’s not a white woman, she’s not black and it’s unnerving that our black men are gawking over this woman.

Don’t take it as hate. She’s a beautiful woman that in my opinion has made bad choices-- all which were done under the public’s watchful eye.

But this is more about black men.

Why is she more worthy of your love than a black woman?

Why is she more likely to turn your head than a black woman?

There are black women who are built just the same if not better, but those women are treated as nothing more than sexual objects.

Kim Kardashian is a renowned goddess.

A black woman with the same track record as Kimmy wouldn’t get the time of day when it comes to being respected. Hell, a woman can be with one man and automatically considered a hoe.

It’s hard to say what has our men so blind to the beautiful, unique, curvaceous women already in their backyards.

Why is it they will break their necks for a non-black woman but won’t even lift a finger for the women that look like their mothers, grandmothers and aunts?

Maybe the men can enlighten me.

Any takers?

Top 3 Resolutions for Men in 2012

3. Listen & you'll learn something -- It's something you learn in school and it's a good reason why. People who pay attention and listen know a lot more than those who go through life unaware. So when your girl tells you something, listen up! She's gonna expect for you to remember what she just told you-- even if it was some random appointment date that's three months away. When that day comes, you better not ask what plans she has for the day or you will get an evil side eye.

2. Put down the Jeezy & pick up some Jill Scott—The best way to relate to a woman is to listen to a woman. Sure, rap music is cool from time to time, but not too many women can relate to “pushing snow” but can relate to wanting to take a long walk for a little conversation. Get in touch with your feminine side. Everything doesn’t have to always be about weed, money and bitches—especially if you’re tryna get close to a woman. Let’s face it, you are what you listen to.

1. Bring back chivalry for 2012 -- So they say the world is gonna end in 2012. If so, there’s nothing we can do to stop it. But there is something you can do to make it a memorable year. BRING BACK CHIVALRY. Open a door for a woman. Help a woman out of her car. Hell, help an old lady across the street with her groceries. Back in the medieval days, knights were renowned for being such noble gentlemen, now today it’s like the number one requirement to being a cool guy is disrespecting women. What may seem like an old-fashioned way of life, definitely needs a revival in 2012.