🐝Formation & Liberation 🐝

Outside Lincoln Financial Field; prepared to get in Formation Beyonce changed my outlook on life. Before the groans and eye rolls begin let me explain. This past weekend I flew to see the Queen herself in all her glory. No big deal, right? For me, it was. I sometimes envy women I see with so much freedom. Women who can at the drop of a dime go to the store at 1:30am. Or hit up the club on a last minute whim. As a married mother of 2, I don't get that.  Last minute store runs turn into a fiasco of a field trip because one kid cant find his shoe and the other wants to bring a hideous shrek doll for the ride. Sometimes is not even worth the fight. When I saw Beyonce's Super Bowl performance I was hooked. "Formation" gave me life and when "Lemonade" dropped a fire I didn't even know needed to be lit was sparked. When I told my husband I was going to see Beyonce he simply said, "Okay." Not really believing me. Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a homebody. I would rather sit at home, glass of wine in hand, watching "Snapped." That's just me. Cincinnati clubs don't do much for me or maybe I'm still grappling with an internal battle I'm having within myself about whether married women belong in the club or not. Nonetheless I would rather be at home. It also doesn't help that I work weekends. While most people are tolling away Monday-Friday, and living for the weekend, I'm grinding it out Wednesday-Sunday. Yes that means I'm at work EVERY weekend. It's apparently a hard concept to grasp for some people.  I've been working weekends 5+ years now and I am pretty much used to it. I don't love it but it is what it is. So for me there are no such things as a weekend trip with the girls. Or a quick romantic getaway with the Mister. Even trying to get in the club for a quick drink and dab on the dance floor is work in itself. Did I mention getting time off is pretty difficult? Sure I have benefits and vacation time but getting it approved doesn't always happen and there are only certain times of the year when we are even allowed to request time off. As a mother I am constantly in "mommy mode" or family mode. My pure existence is now forever connected to two little people. Any decision I make is made with my children and husband in mind. I went on a business trip last summer and that was the first time I had truly ever spent time away from them. But going out of town for work is not the same as going out of town for fun. And this weekend proved to be so much more. Just the opportunity of going to bed without making sure the kitchen is clean and the kids have their pajamas on and are tucked in was a delight in itself. Being around ADULTS outside of a workplace setting was a pure joy. I went on this trip with two equally enthusiastic Beyhive members. They've seen 'Yonce in action multiple times. This would be my first. My Beyonce buddies are also two equally successful black women. And being with them, we met a group of other successful black women. All different backgrounds. It was one of the most beautiful experiences. To just sit and watch as we had champagne on the rooftop of one of the women's newly purchased row houses, I sat quietly taking it all in. A whole 'lotta black girl magic. Hearing random chatter that didn't include "get out my room!" or "she just hit me!" was so soothing. The concert itself was as amazing as I thought it would be. Seeing a stadium full of people to witness a black woman's magic was enough to put me on cloud 9. Each pop and lock had the crowd encouraging Bey as if we were her best friends cheering her on in a dance battle. A lot of "you better work" and "get it" phrases being thrown out there. I'm pretty sure tears welled up in my eyes as she so genuinely thanked us for being fans before going into her finale, ending the concert with "Halo." I didn't want it to end. In the days leading up to the trip it was still as if my husband didn't believe I was really going. He's so used to me being at home the thought of me actually traveling out of state for a concert was just wild to him. No shade to him, he just knows his wife really well. But from the moment I packed and had my suitcase at the door ready to go I felt liberated. My aunt came to pick me up and saw me with luggage. "Where you going? What you doing running away from your family?" I laughed. But now that I think about it -- hell yeah I was!  Sometimes I think as mothers some of us get so caught up in mothering, we forget about ourselves. This has to be selfie #3,279 in my phone of me and these crazy kids We forget to live. I know I have. My days are usually pretty similar. Wake up. Wake kids. Eat Breakfast. Take them to school. Go to work. Get off work. Get kids. Cook dinner. Do baths. Go to bed. Repeat. This trip gave me the confirmation I needed; there is nothing wrong with mommy having a break. There is nothing wrong with having fun away from your family. And the fact that everyone was so surprised about my trip lets me know I need to get out and start living more. And in the words of Beyonce: Sometimes you gotta go in the back of that closet and pull out ya freakum dress.    It's not a dress, but you get the point.