"Friender" Beware: The Pretenders You May Meet Online

In a world that is continually going the digital route, it’s hard to know who you really are communicating with on a lot of social networking sites. The majority of social networkers “friend” those they actually know in real life (though they may be no more than associates) but may occasionally accept a friend or two out of their complete knowing circle.

Much of the “friending” or “following” process is completely based on human nature curiosity a.k.a. nosiness. For example, you’re scrolling along and see the familiar name of a bitch from high school you faithfully rolled your eyes at, and her profile pic isn’t looking too good, so you instantly friend her ass like you’re trying to “see how she’s been since high school.” You really just want to see how much she’s fell off and drink from the pool of self-love at her expense. Fuck her. She’s a loser now with her 3 kids, and barely there wall postings. Plus, you notice her baby shower pics or any of her kids’ pics never show the kids’ father(s). Sucks for her.

But while you’re online snooping and “friending” everybody you come into contact with, it’s always smart to know that social networking sites have now allowed for people to live double lives vicariously through their cool digitally improved selves.

There are a few profiles you commonly run into while venturing out on these sites:

We Ride Tight Whips Everyday – Ladies, don’t fall for this trap! This guy seems to own every car out there based on his photo albums. Monte Carlos with fresh paint jobs, Lexus coupe with slick rims, a Box Chevy sittin’ high…. Is that a Maybach?! Alright stop it. Bruh, this city is too small for you to be driving these exclusive ass cars and go unnoticed. Matter of fact, didn’t I see yo ass waiting for the #31 the other day?!

You Know We Be up in the Club – Daaaaamn is all a dude can say looking at this chick’s profile pictures. Every pic, she’s fly and dressed to impress. Hair done. Check. Nails done. Check. Lips gloss poppin’. Check. It’s as if she’s always up on the latest trends. WRONG. This bitch just put up every going out pic she has. That’s the only time she looks decent. That fly ass dress? Oh, it’s not hers. Her girl will be rockin it next week. Oh, and the hair? Most of it’ll be gone too. Keep flipping through her albums. Why isn’t there a single pic of her just chillin? On her way to work or school? Hmmmm. What do she really look like?

Who Dat is? That’s Just His Baby Mama – Ok, this one isn’t hard to spot. She more than likely has no more than 5 pictures. 7 max. Most of them are blurry low quality bathroom pics taken on a cell phone, and a few pics with her and a baby manage to make their way into the albums. Her “info” and “about me” sections are pretty cut and dry. She’s clearly not on this FB shit. So why does she even have a page? She’s just playing internet police. She’s policing her baby daddy’s page. So ladies, if you get a random friend request from a bitch you don’t even know, chances are she’s “friending” you to see why you’re “friends” with her baby daddy. You might not even know the nigga but she doesn’t care. She’s on a mission to make every female friend of his hers. And she might just be bold enough to send you a message asking “who is u.” To avoid the drama, block her illiterate ass and keep it moving.

You Like? – These people are the real pretenders of social networking sites. Their status is constantly updated and usually it’s not about any damn thing important.

“Shoutout to all the single mothers that play mommy and daddy.”

“I just saved a bunch of $$ by switching to Geico”

“Just had a job interview, they talking bout $15/hr”

First of all, you don’t know nothing about single mommys or daddys, yo parents both are together and have been so for a long ass time and you aint got no damn kids. Secondly, you don’t even have a car, so how you get Geico? They insure bus passes now? Lastly, you know damn well yo broke ass didn’t have an interview nor do you have any interviews lined up. People like this are just addicted to seeing the lil “thumbs up” icon next to their status. They get off on that. Losers.

A yo’ You Comin Thru? - Social networking is now a marketing tool. I get it, it’s free and it’s fast. But annoying ass club promoters a.k.a. random niggas, have taken it too far. My inbox shouldn’t be flooded with invites. And I definitely do not wanna see wall posts IN ALL CAPS similar to shit like this:

***DON’T HIDE THAT P$SSY PARTY GOING DOWN. CLOSING AT CAPACITY, SO GET THERE EARLY! 18 TO DIP, 21 TO SIP***

Ummm. WTF is that?! First of all, why are you yelling on my page?! Secondly, go to school and learn how to be a real businessman. Have you ever seen a successful car salesman yell someone into buying a car? That tacky shit won’t get you nowhere.

Mz. Parker - We all got ‘em... a friend who’s Mama is like 10 years our senior, so she wanna be “down” and she wanna kick it with the girls. But here’s the thing Mom Dukes, you’re not our age, you’re not in our generation so stop it. So you log on, and see her ass done “friended” you. Damn. You don’t wanna say no, plus you can’t. Her own daughter can deny her, but you can’t. It’s just in the manual for dealing with your friends’ parents. You always have to be nice, even when they’re kids aren’t. But you also don’t wanna say yeah. You don’t need her ass embarrassing you, commenting on pics or blabbing your business via wall posts. What to do, what to do? Leave it pending, Her non-technical ass might not even realize you never responded and be content with her 10.2 friends. *fingers crossed*

I think I've had an Epiphany (and No, that doesn't mean I'm going to Tiffany's)

It’s been nearly two months since I’ve graduated and I have yet to land a full-time job in journalism. There’s been days where my spirit have reached all time lows and days where my determination and drive is in the clouds. It’s one of the most uncertain times I’ve had to deal with in my life. This is all new to me.
And I know everyone means well but until you decide to become a journalist, you will never know how I feel right now. There’s a difference between just writing and doing journalism. So, the suggestions that I “should look into PR work” are usually met with disdain and a possible “dumb ass” under my breath. Nor, do I want to do Teach for America, I appreciate the emails and the fact that “based on my extracurricular involvement, I’d be a great candidate,” but to be honest, the only kids I like are the ones I can be around for a few hours then drop off.
Oh yeah, the mentions of how “broke” I will be as a journalist, doesn’t mean much to me either. What most people don’t get is that, this is bigger than salaries. In fact, it’s bigger than life. As corny as it may sound, I honestly feel like this is what I’m on Earth to do.
Think about it. Journalists have a lot of power. Journalists can set the national agenda. Journalists can persuade people to feel a certain way about anyone or anything depending on the words they choose. (Why else would they make laws about what you write and say?) And often times, minorities—my people—are left out to dry by mainstream media. How many times are blacks portrayed negatively by the news? Too many to count.
But I’m looking to change that. I want to not only give black people a vehicle to continue to voice their concerns, but also make sure mainstream media is doing right by us. As a Christian woman, I think that’s what I was meant to do and nobody can change my thinking.
We’re all here on Earth for a reason and I believe I’ve found mine…